Liver biopsy done 2 days ago
I was knocked out by the effect of midazolam
I was asleep yesterday, without myself realizing it to happen

and by now I could still feel the dizziness effect of midaz

ngehs

2 days before exam
and all I can do is sleeping

and even when I open my eyes
all I can do is feeling nauseous


serius taktahu macam mana orang buat c-sect boleh survive
cut kecik pun rasa taksabar nak tunggu heal completely

rasa macam dah gatal sebab dressing ni


without treatment, 50% of AIH patients die within 5 years
(so gonna take all tx seriously this time around!)

kepala aku kira-kira
agak-agak kalau lah tak termasuk dalam 50% tu pun
mungkin lah paling-paling double life expectancy another 50% patients tu kan

kalau betullah ada 10 tahun je lagi nak hidup atas dunia ni
macam mana nak buat biar boleh masuk syurga ek?

dengan dosa 25 tahun lepas yang tinggi menggunung


and my heart answered,
by stop worrying
and continue worshipping Allah

hewhew
hikhok


baiklah
baiklah

setiap saat pun benih ke syurga kan?

Final exam officially started today, with Paeds OSCE

I wasn't really prepared to be honest
I was exhausted by my own thought perhaps
distracted by tense that just arrived right before exam

blerghh

So basically too many things went wrong recently
Especially my health condition

I am fine, I am fine
just that the blood and body doesn't seems fine

That my liver has to be biopsied tomorrow

tomorrow yes
and next 3 days I will have my written exammsss


5 tahun duduk Ireland ni jadi tak pandai nak express pulak
tak pandai nak nangis
tak pandai nak relieve stress kot

pendam sampai takde perasaan

tapi action nampak sangat tengah tak betul
tidur 14 jam sehari

wth
sah tak betul

walaupun doktor cakap tu sebab penat sebab sakit

tapi aku still rasa tu psychology aku yang tak betul

blerghh


takut nya.
takut
takut
takut


taktahu nak describe macam mana takut tu

dear self,
stop being cengeng please
kuat
jangan nangis

this, too, shall pass


corcaigh 140417

moga redha ya hati

ukhwah

Gaahhh I just feel like writing right now

This afternoon somebody decided to re-open old discussion group, randomly

which made me realized how much I miss them

They are far from me, as we obviously separated by distance

we rarely text or talk to each other

but when we do, it is always about important things in life haha

life, decision

the thing that bring us close

hehs.

takkan lupa kot

"betul ke kita nak buat ni?"

"betul. jom buka peta UK"

"jom search kat fb"

but life is never easy right?

life hit us hard, straight on our face

"maybe Allah wants us to learn the hard way"

simple

but whenever I started to give up

I always tell myself, 'Allah is teaching me the hard way. Hold on. Hold on'

I remembered one of NAK talk,

"we are on our journey to reach Allah's blessing (redha). We are not perfect, that's why Allah said it is a journey. Nobody will reach the perfection as His servant. and He only asks us to die on this path/journey"

So this is definitely a very long journey

we may part away, as we decided the thing we want in life

"Awak jangan lupa saya. Balik Malaysia nanti bagitahu kalau ada projek"

I couldn't promise about whatever project you are talking about. But I promise to not forget you (That's one of the reason I am writing right now)

whatever happen, wherever you are

the three of you, are too dear to my heart

"Akak, sekarang tinggal kita dua je. sedih"

"Tak, mana ada. They are still with us. Separated by distance, tapi ruh masih bersatu,dalam doa"

Dalam doa, mereka masih ada bersama aku

"Akak, sekarang saya nak tinggal akak sorang je ni haha"

"Takpe doa kan ada"

tapi, sekarang, kadang-kadang

rasa jelah sorang-sorang haha

Unfortunately all four of us are not expressive :p

Jumpa kat syurga, sis!

Fateh. Galway. Leicester. Surrey. Essex. London. Sabah

Costa Stansted Airport. Costa Cork

Cafe dalam Eason, Dublin

semoga mereka menjadi saksi

gundah gelana hati dan fikiran

yang banyak bercelaru daripada tenang

#8daystofinal #KakAnacomingsoon #mayAllaheases

Untuk mereka yang aku bertemu di atas jalan dakwah ini

moga kita terus sabar dan thabat di perbatasan masing-masing