Saturday, March 26, 2016




I easily stress myself out recently

just by words, some actions and random photos





I keep running away from everything
get myself busy with medicine


find a reason to smile through patient's words





life is tough
emotionally, emotionally, emotionally,
mentally and physically




since I was kid
ayah taught me to have a dream

and I did

I have many dreams hehe

but I always forget the continuation of ayah's advice;

"but remember, when u hike to the top, maybe just another few steps to reach your dream, you might fall and it hurts. So, dream but don't feel comfortable reaching the endpoint"





this is my second time falling
shattered apart, pieces everywhere

when I was 16
breaking is pain
but I have ayah umi to put myself together again


but for now
I'd only myself


arwah Ki once said,
"Bila terbang tinggi jangan lupa rumput di bawah"


takde kena mengena pun
but his wise words keep playing in my mind


maybe I fall
just so I remember Him


cause I dont want to lose Him


Sunday, March 13, 2016


esok PSA exam

dan dan plak nak selsema malam ni


tambah teruk bila facebook update kisah-kisah lama LOLs

dear self.
semua orang dah growing up.
but why did u stop?

dear self.
see hope in yourself.
u gonna make it.

eventually akan mati jugak kan.

moga the end of this path is syurga.


dear self.
know that u're strong.
know that u can walk faster,
even run.

so dear self.
chin up. smile.
keep fighting.



notakaki: dear self, living di tanah gersang is hard. but it surely teaches u something, aite? So look on the bright side eventhough the grass looked greener on the other land.


Sunday, March 6, 2016



Nina berjalan pulang seorang diri, sementara teman-teman yang lain sedang bertungkus lumus belajar di perpustakaan hospital. Pemandangan biasa dikalangan pelajar perubatan menjelang peperiksaan akhir.

Sambil berjalan perlahan, Nina hanya tunduk memandang tanah. Angin sejuk yang membelai tidak mampu menarik perhatian Nina untuk menghayati keindahan sekiling. Keserabutan menguasainya, hinggakan seluruh dunia sekeliling terasa hitam kelabu.

Nina mendengus perlahan, tapi cukup kuat untuk didengari sahabat baiknya yang sedang mengekori perlahan di belakang. Satu saat, titik-titik jernih mengalir di pipi. "Ah, cengeng!", keluh Nina. Pada masa yang sama, hujan rintik-rintik Ireland membasahi bumi, turut bercampur dengan butir mutiara dari matanya.

"Nina! Nina! Tunggu aku!", jerit Safiya dari belakang.

"Ah! Macam mana aku boleh tak perasan safiya kat belakang. Nasib baik hujan turun, kalau tak kantoi nangis", getus Nina dalam hati.

"Nina, kau tak dapat lupakan lagi kisah tu?"

"Apa maksud kau?"

"Alah tak payah tipulah Nina. Tengok cara jalan pun dah tahu kau tengah tak betul, kan? Patah hati lagi?"

Soalan Safiya tak berjawab, dibiarkan hilang dibawa angin.

"Nina, let's have a cup of tea somewhere in town... Jomlah! This time its on me!"

Nina menunjukkan muka tak berminat. Kalau ikutkan hati mahu saja menolak ajakan itu. Tapi tak sanggup rasanya memandagkan kawannnya yang seorang ini begitu bersungguh-sungguh mengajaknya keluar. Haa ini lah yang orang-orang tua katakan, ditelan mati mak diluah mati bapak.

Serba salah.

"Hmm boleh lah.. Tapi tak payah lama sangat eh"
"Nice! Alah jangan risau. Nak gi minum tea je bukan nak buat cake"

Mereka berjalan beriringan ke city centre.

Sampai sahaja di bandar kecil itu, mereka menapak masuk ke cafe yang sedikit tersorok. Jauh dari pandangan manusia, sesuai untuk yang mencari sedikit ketenangan.

Tak ramai yang memenuhi cafe, hanya beberapa orang manusia yang mungkin sedang mencari ketenangan seperti dirinya. Kadang-kadang aroma teh England mampu membuatkan seseorang masuk ke dunia fantasi sendiri, yang tidak punya masalah.


"Nina.. kau tahu kan kau boleh share semua benda sengan aku"

"Thanks Yaa.. Yes I know", Nina cuba senyum.

Tapi Safiyah tak mudah tertipu dengan senyuman plastik Nina.

"Nina macam mana hati kau?"

"okay"

"Bila je kau tak okay? Lepas tu nangis sorang-sorang. Tak cool lah macam ni"

Nina tergelak akhirnya.

"Kau tahu defintion patah hati?"

"Tak"

"It is a condition that make u feel nothing neither sad, dissapointed not even angry. u just tired, u don't feel anything"

"Kau tengah... in that condition?"

senyap...

"Nina.. sampai bila?"

senyap lagi...

"Nina. Kau tahu kan, you can't have everything you wish for dekat dunia ni. Mintak kat Allah, kalau tak dapat kat dunia Dia bagi kat syurga"

Nina angkat muka, senyum hambar.

"Yaa.. kau ni drama kan. Aku okay. Cuma.. take time kot nak lupa our wish when we think we're so near to it but suddenly we lost it.. just like that"

"Nina..."

"Ye.."

Safiya senyum nakal.

"Kau dah besar rupanya, dah pandai patah hati dah!", Safiya gelak mengekek.

"LOLS Yaa!"





For everything that was taken away from us, may He replace with something better

After all, there is nothing, our's.





ps: final exam approaching. May He bestow His blessing on us for each effort made.