tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24181770976201098352024-03-13T09:35:28.324-07:00thoughtsjika keriuhan dunia menutup mulut,
biarkan jari meluahkan rasa,
hingga tak tertinggal satu di hatiDr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.comBlogger179125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-48074994281507119062018-01-26T02:47:00.002-08:002018-01-26T02:47:43.664-08:00Unseen HurricaneThere's time I cried the whole day<br />
for the reason, even I, could not describe<br />
<br />
Somehow I blame the steroid<br />
<br />
I have been diagnosed with progressive SLE<br />
<br />
I was not upset at first<br />
I thought I was fine<br />
I mean, only the diagnosis name changed right<br />
I'm still the same<br />
<br />
but of course I was wrong (Yes I was always wrong)<br />
<br />
"We need extra vigilance to avoid lupus nephritis or cerebral lupus" -Dr A-<br />
<br />
I kept replaying her words in my mind<br />
<br />
<br />
I read a lot, later, especially on cerebral lupus. It is damn serious. I just get the fact right. If I started to have any of the symptoms, that means the end of my not-even-started career, doctor.<br />
<br />
I know I shouldn't worry of the things that's out of my control, But how can I be so ignorant about my own well being? Or should I?<br />
<br />
With every chaos I'd to face everyday, I chose not to tell others. But it hurts, especially when nobody see your struggle taking even a step forward. Oh yes, I am so good with a faked smile. Everyone bought with that faked smile. With that I looked strong, healthy, cheerful, and very positive.<br />
<br />
because they couldn't see the unseen hurricane in my heart<br />
<br />
********************************************<br />
<br />
<br />
Since I quit usrah<br />
Many contacted me, maybe to get me into usrah again<br />
<br />
I am happy to reply their text, as a friend<br />
<br />
But is is very stressful when everyone tried too hard to preach me<br />
<br />
I mean, we've been lost in contact for quiet some time<br />
then suddenly you came and suggest me to join usrah, again<br />
<br />
I don't get it. Sorry.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong. I appreciate their presence. But, wouldn't it be wiser to acknowledge the problem before rushing to you-think-that's-the-best solution?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Upset<br />
26012018<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-74053958650752523242017-11-19T21:51:00.000-08:002017-11-19T21:51:07.900-08:006 months in a blog postI officially graduated Medicine last May<br />
Alhamdulillah :)<br />
<br />
<br />
Left Ireland as soon as I graduated<br />
my heart sank, tears tank exploded<br />
<br />
<br />
I miss Ireland<br />
<br />
<br />
**********************************<br />
<br />
I thought living in Malaysia wouldn't be this hard<br />
There are way more to be sacrificed<br />
<br />
I mean when I was in Ireland,<br />
I only have to think about myself<br />
if I was tired or feeling down or whatever that was<br />
<br />
but here, as the eldest, I couldn't put my family aside in every decision I made<br />
I have to be with them, supporting them, especially when they need me, the so-called the only doctor in the family<br />
<br />
to cut it short<br />
I can't give commitment towards usrah, DnT<br />
<br />
So<br />
I gave up<br />
eventually :(<br />
<br />
<br />
**************************************<br />
<br />
Since I am loaded with time at the moment<br />
It makes me wonder if I'd took different paths beforehand<br />
<br />
I might have more friends<br />
I might have good memories of UKE<br />
I might not be the same<br />
<br />
I might still trying to commit<br />
<br />
I might not be the same<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
But I have no chance to turn back time<br />
and yet if I have the chance, I still could not figure out which path should I take<br />
<br />
<br />
So I think this has to be my midlife crisis<br />
<br />
Welcoming myself to adulthood<br />
<br />
*****************************************<br />
<br />
<br />
I have witnessed how blessed Arwah Dr Atik's life<br />
I never knew him personally, even never met him in person<br />
<br />
I only came to heard his name when he was sick<br />
He was in comma due to brain hge 2nd to ruptured AVM<br />
<br />
Everyone went to Ipoh just to support him and his family<br />
especially those knowing him since in UK (He studied medicine there)<br />
<br />
He was pronounced death a few days after the surgery<br />
<br />
and after that<br />
people came from every part of Malaysia to visit his family<br />
Everyone prayed for him<br />
and so many people be his witness of how much he has contributed for ummah<br />
<br />
<br />
If I am to die now<br />
<br />
I think I will be nothing but burden to those alive<br />
I have no one, except my family, to pray for me<br />
<br />
<br />
Up until today<br />
I still could not stop thinking how my death day would look like<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
*******************************************<br />
<br />
<br />
I really hope I could be a good servant of Allah<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
'abid<br />
201117<br />
Alor Lintang<br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-64977660781057303042017-05-07T04:16:00.001-07:002017-05-07T04:16:45.286-07:00mixed feelingsekarang ni mixed feeling habis<br />
<br />
taksabar nak habis exam<br />
2 clinical exams je lagi<br />
moga Allah luluskan ujian sekolah perubatan ni<br />
<br />
tapi<br />
<br />
at the same time<br />
<br />
sedih nak tinggal Ireland<br />
<br />
semalam masa qadhaya usrah<br />
<br />
"saya sedih nak balik. I feel belong to this place"<br />
<br />
huu semua senyap.<br />
<br />
"tapi Malaysia lagi best awak. hehs. takpun awak stay jelah teman akak"<br />
<br />
"saya tak apply kerja sini pun akak"<br />
<br />
sebab aku tahu aku rasa lagi belong pada tempatni<br />
aku takut terlekat kat sini<br />
sedangkan aku tahu aku perlu balik<br />
<br />
haha. kira nak kurangkan option lah<br />
so that aku tak pening sorang-sorang<br />
<br />
<br />
haa kan sekarang dah sedih<br />
<br />
insyaAllah 3 minggu je lagi duduk Cork<br />
<br />
lepas tu taktahu lah bila lagi boleh tengok Cork<br />
boleh tengok CUH<br />
boleh jalan-jalan cork city<br />
<br />
aci nak nangis bila teringat aku akan rindukan tempat ni<br />
<br />
ahah dah masuk fasa cengeng<br />
<br />
<br />
cork ni special kat hati aku<br />
tempat jatuh bangun semua kat sini<br />
tempat ak belajr jadi matang sikit<br />
<br />
tempat yang jadi saksi<br />
aku berubah luar dan dalam<br />
<br />
kat sini aku bina himmah aliyah<br />
dan kat sini jugak aku jatuh sebawah-bawahnya<br />
<br />
dan aku mula bangun balik pada tahun akhir pun<br />
kat atas tanah ini jugak<br />
<br />
I tell myself<br />
<br />
dear awak,<br />
nanti masuk syurga<br />
boleh mintak je dgn Allah<br />
boleh mintak nak duduk cork forever<br />
<br />
hehe<br />
<br />
masuk syurga prioriti sekarang, okay?<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-10191761182939583002017-04-15T18:51:00.001-07:002017-04-15T18:51:21.177-07:00Liver biopsy done 2 days ago<br />
I was knocked out by the effect of midazolam<br />
I was asleep yesterday, without myself realizing it to happen<br />
<br />
and by now I could still feel the dizziness effect of midaz<br />
<br />
ngehs<br />
<br />
2 days before exam<br />
and all I can do is sleeping<br />
<br />
and even when I open my eyes<br />
all I can do is feeling nauseous<br />
<br />
<br />
serius taktahu macam mana orang buat c-sect boleh survive<br />
cut kecik pun rasa taksabar nak tunggu heal completely<br />
<br />
rasa macam dah gatal sebab dressing ni<br />
<br />
<br />
without treatment, 50% of AIH patients die within 5 years<br />
(so gonna take all tx seriously this time around!)<br />
<br />
kepala aku kira-kira<br />
agak-agak kalau lah tak termasuk dalam 50% tu pun<br />
mungkin lah paling-paling double life expectancy another 50% patients tu kan<br />
<br />
kalau betullah ada 10 tahun je lagi nak hidup atas dunia ni<br />
macam mana nak buat biar boleh masuk syurga ek?<br />
<br />
dengan dosa 25 tahun lepas yang tinggi menggunung<br />
<br />
<br />
and my heart answered,<br />
by stop worrying<br />
and continue worshipping Allah<br />
<br />
hewhew<br />
hikhok<br />
<br />
<br />
baiklah<br />
baiklah<br />
<br />
setiap saat pun benih ke syurga kan?<br />
<br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-16916638456361589522017-04-13T16:03:00.001-07:002017-04-13T16:03:13.968-07:00Final exam officially started today, with Paeds OSCE<br />
<br />
I wasn't really prepared to be honest<br />
I was exhausted by my own thought perhaps<br />
distracted by tense that just arrived right before exam<br />
<br />
blerghh<br />
<br />
So basically too many things went wrong recently<br />
Especially my health condition<br />
<br />
I am fine, I am fine<br />
just that the blood and body doesn't seems fine<br />
<br />
That my liver has to be biopsied tomorrow<br />
<br />
tomorrow yes<br />
and next 3 days I will have my written exammsss<br />
<br />
<br />
5 tahun duduk Ireland ni jadi tak pandai nak express pulak<br />
tak pandai nak nangis<br />
tak pandai nak relieve stress kot<br />
<br />
pendam sampai takde perasaan<br />
<br />
tapi action nampak sangat tengah tak betul<br />
tidur 14 jam sehari<br />
<br />
wth<br />
sah tak betul<br />
<br />
walaupun doktor cakap tu sebab penat sebab sakit<br />
<br />
tapi aku still rasa tu psychology aku yang tak betul<br />
<br />
blerghh<br />
<br />
<br />
takut nya.<br />
takut<br />
takut<br />
takut<br />
<br />
<br />
taktahu nak describe macam mana takut tu<br />
<br />
dear self,<br />
stop being cengeng please<br />
kuat<br />
jangan nangis<br />
<br />
this, too, shall pass<br />
<br />
<br />
corcaigh 140417<br />
<br />
moga redha ya hati<br />
<br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-83894086134857077742017-04-03T13:07:00.001-07:002017-04-03T13:07:23.380-07:00ukhwahGaahhh I just feel like writing right now<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This afternoon somebody decided to re-open old discussion group, randomly</div>
<div>
which made me realized how much I miss them</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
They are far from me, as we obviously separated by distance</div>
<div>
we rarely text or talk to each other</div>
<div>
but when we do, it is always about important things in life haha</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
life, decision</div>
<div>
the thing that bring us close</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
hehs.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
takkan lupa kot</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"betul ke kita nak buat ni?"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"betul. jom buka peta UK"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"jom search kat fb"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
but life is never easy right?</div>
<div>
life hit us hard, straight on our face</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"maybe Allah wants us to learn the hard way"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
simple</div>
<div>
but whenever I started to give up</div>
<div>
I always tell myself, 'Allah is teaching me the hard way. Hold on. Hold on'</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I remembered one of NAK talk,</div>
<div>
"we are on our journey to reach Allah's blessing (redha). We are not perfect, that's why Allah said it is a journey. Nobody will reach the perfection as His servant. and He only asks us to die on this path/journey"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So this is definitely a very long journey</div>
<div>
we may part away, as we decided the thing we want in life</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Awak jangan lupa saya. Balik Malaysia nanti bagitahu kalau ada projek"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I couldn't promise about whatever project you are talking about. But I promise to not forget you (That's one of the reason I am writing right now)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
whatever happen, wherever you are</div>
<div>
the three of you, are too dear to my heart</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Akak, sekarang tinggal kita dua je. sedih"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Tak, mana ada. They are still with us. Separated by distance, tapi ruh masih bersatu,dalam doa"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Dalam doa, mereka masih ada bersama aku</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Akak, sekarang saya nak tinggal akak sorang je ni haha"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Takpe doa kan ada"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
tapi, sekarang, kadang-kadang</div>
<div>
rasa jelah sorang-sorang haha</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Unfortunately all four of us are not expressive :p</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Jumpa kat syurga, sis!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Fateh. Galway. Leicester. Surrey. Essex. London. Sabah</div>
<div>
Costa Stansted Airport. Costa Cork</div>
<div>
Cafe dalam Eason, Dublin</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
semoga mereka menjadi saksi</div>
<div>
gundah gelana hati dan fikiran</div>
<div>
yang banyak bercelaru daripada tenang</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
#8daystofinal #KakAnacomingsoon #mayAllaheases</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Untuk mereka yang aku bertemu di atas jalan dakwah ini</div>
<div>
moga kita terus sabar dan thabat di perbatasan masing-masing</div>
Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-15086921461434764292017-03-30T07:00:00.000-07:002017-03-30T07:00:31.999-07:00thing to be grateful forI have been blessed with good health since last winter break<br />
<br />
I might not be able to reach the baseline of my health condition<br />
but I'm fine, doing very well, able to smile<br />
even though there were some spikes here and there<br />
but they were minors hehe<br />
<br />
however, my blood doesn't seems to agree with me<br />
they went haywire for these past 2 months<br />
my liver enzymes go up as if I drink alcohol!<br />
<br />
after changing of medication here and there,<br />
they still don't want to go down<br />
*sigh*<br />
<br />
but I am so grateful to have a good doctor here<br />
<br />
I remembered her calling me when I was in Portugal<br />
to make sure I am fine since my blood doesn't looks good<br />
She kept bugging me with her text to make sure I understand all management plan<br />
and I feel so thankful to have such a committed doctor taking care of me<br />
who willingly came to hospital on her off-day to see me<br />
the most patient doctor trying to reach me (since I always silent my phone)<br />
<br />
and so much more<br />
weh balik Malaysia nanti mesti takde dah doktor baik macam ni<br />
<br />
k ada je lah masa-masa yang geram<br />
since She's not a native english speaker<br />
sometimes she explained things dramatically, way tooo dramaticc<br />
<br />
There is one time when she want to push me to find my future doctor in Malaysia<br />
"You really have to find it now!"<br />
"Okay I will" (dengan muka bersahaja yg mungkin tak convince kan dia)<br />
"If you get flares up again you can die! So I want you to have a doctor as soon as you reach Malaysia!"<br />
<br />
terus muka aku pun terpana<br />
dan mengangguk dengan penuh convincing<br />
<br />
hailaaa<br />
<br />
walaupun dalam hati, "takdelah sampai mati kot"<br />
<br />
She always think that I am worried about myself<br />
when I am actually not.. at all<br />
<br />
so actually she worried about me, more<br />
<br />
"I will keep your number. Anything happen, call me straight away, even on weekend. I am not oncall but I am in Cork. Call me okay, call me"<br />
<br />
"why do you use private number? I need to recognize your number when you call me"<br />
<br />
pun boleh.<br />
<br />
hahah,<br />
aku selalu amused dengan kerisauan dia.<br />
<br />
<br />
walaupun masa mula-mula transferred to her (sebab my consultant maternal leave)<br />
I was like.. "nak previous consultant!!"<br />
<br />
haha<br />
<br />
She is god-sent<br />
might not be someone close to me<br />
but she basically knows everything about me though hehe<br />
<br />
alhamdulillah for every single thing<br />
<br />
finals in 2 weeks time<br />
may Allah eases<br />
moga lepas insyaAllah :)<br />
<br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-73989180920674591542017-02-23T14:55:00.001-08:002017-02-23T14:55:56.784-08:00medicinealhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal<br />
<br />
dah 2 minggu rotation medicine dekat Kerry<br />
rasa dah jatuh cinta pulak dengan Kerry haha<br />
<br />
I always love medicine<br />
sampai ada satu masa dwell sangat dengan medicine<br />
aku jumpa keseronokan disebalik semuanya (kecuali exam haha)<br />
<br />
dekat UHK ni semua orang baik sangat<br />
rasa macam part of the team<br />
dekat Clonmel dulu pun dorang include kita as team jugak<br />
tapi sebab masa tu first rotation<br />
still tak reti nak buat apa as intern haha<br />
<br />
aku banyak belajar dari setiap orang<br />
<br />
Dari Ferrah yang always have the time for budak macam aku<br />
walaupun dia tengah busy dengan patients<br />
tambah exam untuk jadi consultant tu lagi<br />
<br />
Dari Sarah yang sangat lembut dan penyabar<br />
dan selalu ingatkan aku<br />
"you can do this"<br />
dan sambung dia lagi, "even though sometimes it will be so hard"<br />
<br />
Dari Ben yang selalu senyum dan cool<br />
orang pertama percaya aku untuk buat kerja intern haha<br />
(ok mungkin sebab dah tak cukup orang)<br />
kata dia, "you will be my intern and I'll be registrar today"<br />
dan buat ward round without bosses :p<br />
<br />
saje nak tulis<br />
supaya aku selalu ingat<br />
mereka pernah hadir dalam hidup aku<br />
pernah meninggalkan kesan pada diri aku<br />
<br />
aku selalu wonder<br />
kenapa kita kena berpisah<br />
bila kita dah jumpa orang yang best dalam hidup kita<br />
<br />
dan aku dah jumpa pun jawapannya<br />
supaya kita tak attach pada keindahan sementara<br />
dan hanya sayang Allah sahaja<br />
<br />
hidup dekat Kerry penuh dengan positive vibes<br />
sampai aku rasa tu ideal workplace<br />
<br />
semua orang akan memberi kita motivasi<br />
<br />
teringat Dr Tariq introduce aku pada consultants lain<br />
"she is medical student. She's our future haematologist"<br />
<br />
dan mereka yang lain menyambut "masya Allah.. for ummah, sisters"<br />
<br />
sape je tak terkesan kan :)<br />
<br />
<br />
dan Dr O'Brien yang penuh hikmah<br />
di sebalik ketegasan (dan high speed speech haha)<br />
aku akan selalu ingat<br />
cara dia mengajak kami belajar<br />
"for today you will read more about this and that okay?"<br />
<br />
<br />
duduk kat Kerry ni macam duduk dekat negara Islam haha<br />
tak rasa awkward pakai tudung<br />
semua orang acknowledge waktu solat<br />
<br />
Dr Tariq siap tanya lagi<br />
after solat baca khutbah ke tak<br />
(aku rasa dia maksudkan ada tazkirah ke tak haha)<br />
<br />
<br />
ideal kan?<br />
<br />
kat Malaysia confirm takde semua ni LOLs<br />
<br />
<br />
aku harap semangat aku tak luntur bila dah balik Malaysia nanti<br />
aku takdelah betul-betul nak jadi haematologist<br />
<br />
tapi apa-apa sahaja specialization yang akn dibuat<br />
semoga betul-betul untuk ummah<br />
<br />
:)<br />
<br />
<br />
comel je tadi dorang bincang nak pergi Islamic talk<br />
sebab ramai speakers hebat datang from US Canada bagai<br />
<br />
<br />
wherever we go<br />
we will never leave tarbiyah kan.<br />
<br />
<br />
tak habis lagi rotation'tapi dah rindu Kerry :)<br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-91732869320978180112017-02-11T11:16:00.003-08:002017-02-11T11:16:40.644-08:00minggu ni flare-up lagi<br />
4 hari terlentang atas katil<br />
bukan setakat tak pergi kelas, buku pun tak sentuh<br />
<br />
bangun solat dan makan ubat ja<br />
<br />
<br />
rasa macam penat sangat minggu ni<br />
<br />
<br />
penat belajar, penat emosi, penat fikir<br />
<br />
<br />
orang selalu mengadu down<br />
dan aku akan cakap,<br />
takpe, bangunlah balik<br />
kita boleh<br />
<br />
etc<br />
<br />
tapi bila diri sendiri yang down<br />
sila lah nasihatkan diri sendiri<br />
<br />
hehs.<br />
<br />
<br />
aku penat dengan manusia<br />
<br />
tapi, mana boleh kan?<br />
<br />
<br />
dear self,<br />
taktahulah ok tak fake it till you make it<br />
but you've gone through a lot<br />
this is just another hurdle of life<br />
<br />
keep going<br />
strong<br />
and brave<br />
<br />
don't get bothered by those people<br />
who don't even deserve you in their life<br />
they don't worth your thought<br />
(k ayat ego skit)<br />
<br />
purify your heart<br />
focus on achieving your dream<br />
your remaining time is gradually lessen<br />
<br />
......................................<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
corcaigh<br />
110217Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-8186084163022885002017-02-05T03:55:00.000-08:002017-02-05T03:55:15.360-08:00hayaa'semalam, bila murobbi tanya siapa yang boleh share hadith 20<br />
aku volunteer, walaupun macam tak sempat sangat nak prepare<br />
since ada kelas dari pagi dan weekend free ni lah nak tunaikan hak housemate<br />
<br />
entahlah kenapa aku offer diri<br />
mungkin sebab aku rasa ini usrah aku<br />
dan aku yang bertanggung jawab menghidupkannya<br />
<br />
bukan lah sebab 'kalau bukan siapa aku, siapa lagi nak buat?'<br />
tapi sebab aku tahu kami perlukan tazkiyah dari sang nabi<br />
<br />
it is a beautiful hadith indeed<br />
ingatkan balik benda basic je pun<br />
sejauh mana kita dzatiyah dalam tarbiyah sendiri<br />
dan semuanya bermula dari jiwa rabbani<br />
<br />
panjang sangat kalau nak share pasal hadith<br />
and tak rasa perkataan hodoh aku mampu explain hadith tu<br />
<br />
<br />
cuma<br />
aku bermuhasabah<br />
<br />
aku selalu cakap tarbiyah aku macam roller coster<br />
tapi di saat ini Allah memberikan peluang lagi<br />
untuk merasai betapa manisnya tarbiyah<br />
<br />
Allah menghidupkan kembali jiwa yang pernah kering kontang<br />
<br />
teringat sharing Nouman Ali Khan (haha somebody bring NAK into my life :p)<br />
hati kita sangat berbolak balik<br />
dan betapa kita memerlukan doa untuk pastikan hati kita sentiasa berada di jalan yg betul<br />
<br />
tak terpesong walau sedikit<br />
<br />
rasa macam nak nangis<br />
sebab dulu rasa dah jadi routine sebut<br />
<br />
'ya muqallibal qulub thabbit qulu 'ala dinik'<br />
<br />
dan kerana sayang pada tarbiyah ini<br />
aku kena jugak protect and bloom what I have today<br />
<br />
bila bercakap dengan orag tanah seberang<br />
semua orang ada struggle masing-masing<br />
<br />
aku selalu rasa best nya korang ada sumber tarbiyah<br />
tapi sebenarnya kalau hati kita mati<br />
duduk sebelah sumber tarbiyah pun tak memberi makna apa-apa<br />
<br />
aku belajar satu benda sepanjang aku berjalan, merangkak, berlari etc<br />
<br />
jangan pernah berhenti bertanya pada diri<br />
'kenapa aku masih ada disini?'<br />
<br />
biar hati berbicara<br />
dan kau akan tahu di mana kau berada<br />
<br />
orang yang tidak sedar diri tengah sesat<br />
takkan bother pun nak cari jalan keluar<br />
<br />
tarbiyah adalah hadiah dari Allah yang paling berharga<br />
bukan mudah nak mendapat tarbiyah<br />
<br />
setiap titik peluh untuk mencari tarbiyah<br />
itulah yang akan bawa kita kepada apa yang kita cari<br />
<br />
<br />
aku harap diri aku tidak lupa<br />
di saat ini hanya satu harapan yang aku tanam<br />
hidup aku terhenti di saat jiwa aku lapang menerima tarbiyah dari Allah<br />
<br />
<br />
dan untuk akhawat yang sedang berjuang di bumi berbeza<br />
kalau selama ini semua menasihati untuk terus melangkah<br />
aku harap kita semua basirah ke arah mana kita menuju<br />
<br />
<br />
Corcaigh<br />
050217<br />
<br />
<br />
ps: hayaa' means hidup dan malu.. <br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-22101608369421719662017-02-01T13:00:00.001-08:002017-02-01T13:00:05.864-08:00emaildulu tahap benci tengok notification emails kat ipad and phone<div>
takde kerja lain asyik bersihkan inbox</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
haha</div>
<div>
tapi tu dulu</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
tadi bersihkan inbox, selepas setahun dan beribu emails tak penting tersimpan</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
terjumpa satu email penting dari seorang kakak yang sangat aku hormati</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
aku ingat aku dapat email tu</div>
<div>
tapi tak ingat membaca dengan penuh perasaan</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
so I decided to read it, again..</div>
<div>
baca dengan perlahan</div>
<div>
sebab aku yakin ada sebab setiap ayat ditulis</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
hehs</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
lepas baca taktahu nak ada perasaan apa</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
tapi itulah pandangan manusia pada aku rupanya</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
merasakan diri tahu banyak</div>
<div>
takmahu menunggu dan berjalan bersama dengan yang lain</div>
<div>
meninggalkan ukhwah kerana ego</div>
<div>
lari dari masalah dan tak mahu bersama menyelesaikan</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and the list goes on...</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Allahu..</div>
<div>
banyak khilaf aku sebagai seorang hamba</div>
<div>
mungkin sebab aku jarang meluahkan perasaan aku yang sebenar</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
siapa sahaja yang tahu</div>
<div>
aku takut saat perlu membuat keputusan</div>
<div>
aku takut andai tersalah memilih jalan</div>
<div>
aku takut memulakan langkah baru</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
sebab manusia hanya melihat</div>
<div>
aku sebagai orang yang kuat, lantang, tak kisah manusia sekeliling</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
siapa sahaja yang tahu</div>
<div>
setiap perasaan yang perlu dikorbankan</div>
<div>
setiap rindu yang terpaksa dipendam</div>
<div>
setiap sayang yang tidak terluah</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
kerana ku lah manusia yang paling lemah</div>
<div>
aku lah hamba yang paling tak mengetahui</div>
<div>
aku lah yang tak punya hikmah, kefahaman mahupun pengalaman</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
kerana aku tidak punya apa</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
aku pernah cuba mengambil semua yang aku perlu</div>
<div>
tapi aku kira satu sifat dunia, kita tak mampu memiliki semua yang kita mahu</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
tapi kita perlu memilih</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
dan segalanya terserah kepada Allah</div>
<div>
untuk mengizinkan setiap pilihan yang dibuat</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
dearest future-self,</div>
<div>
stay strong</div>
<div>
sikit je lagi perjuangan dekat dunia</div>
<div>
nak balik jumpa Allah dengan ada ahsanu 'amala kan..</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
dearest you (whoever you are),</div>
<div>
moga Allah sentiasa tautkan hati kita di atas perjuangan aqidah ini</div>
<div>
walau banyak khilaf seorang aku</div>
<div>
yang mungkin saja membebankan harakah dakwah ini</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
moga Allah ampunkan khilaf aku</div>
<div>
tiada daya dan upaya seorang hamba</div>
<div>
melainkan dengan penuh harap dan takut</div>
<div>
memohon agar Alla sentiasa mendekatkan kebaikan buat kita</div>
<div>
dan menjauhkan al-hawa' yang menyimpangkan hati ini</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
hati ini milikmu ya Allah..</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-65705171023232213702017-01-23T04:17:00.000-08:002017-01-23T04:17:13.918-08:00nothingness bring nothing Currently I am in Tutorial Block<br />
<br />
Basically I have got only tutorials. And Monday is off-day for us.<br />
<br />
So today I decided to come to the city, have a cup of coffee while finishing my FYP write-up.<br />
<br />
Actually it's just because everything going slow for me. I mean, I did nothing over the weekend. Quiet unhappy with myself right now. So I took the bus to town and now at least, I managed to add hundreds of words in my write up. :p<br />
<br />
It feels good to sit in the cafe and overlook the city, the people.<br />
<br />
I shall do this more often (tapi most of the time too lazy to go out)<br />
<br />
<br />
I am going to leave in 4 months time, insyaAllah<br />
I really hope that I could graduate on time<br />
<br />
I think it's the time for me to go home<br />
even though I am too afraid to go home<br />
frightened by the busy waqi' and very qawiyy akhawat hehe<br />
<br />
therefore, I really need to catch up on many things<br />
<br />
need to study hard<br />
need to graduate on time<br />
need to leave some marks before bfg<br />
need to answer why I am committing myself to DnT<br />
need to revise all bahan usrah and daurah<br />
<br />
so basically I have loads on my plate<br />
<br />
but instead, I become one lazy human<br />
and do nothing<br />
but keep checking on cheap ticket for summer break!<br />
<br />
Seriously I need to wake myself up so I realized I have no time!<br />
<br />
So this morning I have a cup of coffee,<br />
which is very unusual for me (I only drink tea!)<br />
<br />
Then I get palpitations<br />
and my brain work very fast<br />
<br />
haha<br />
<br />
Up to this second, I managed to do write up some more<br />
<br />
and wasting time writing here some more<br />
<br />
haihh<br />
<br />
Just had a sip pf coffee<br />
have 1/10 in the mug to be finished<br />
<br />
will surely miss the smell of coffee soon<br />
coffee so mahal in Malaysia why lahDr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-81076596274352880642017-01-08T15:57:00.001-08:002017-01-08T15:57:38.083-08:00nikmat rasaI always wrote about the downside of my life in here<br />
it's not because there's nothing happy to be shared<br />
but most of the my happy times, I got to spent times with people<br />
that I always forgot to share<br />
<br />
as I count<br />
there's not much time left for me<br />
to live here, in Ireland, in Cork to be specific<br />
<br />
I rant a lot about living here<br />
<br />
but as I get myself to reflect on it<br />
<br />
many things happened here<br />
<br />
get to know many great awesome people here<br />
was first diagnosed sick here<br />
loving medicine here<br />
feeling lonely, here as well<br />
<br />
haha like a roller coster yes?<br />
<br />
I gave up with DnT once<br />
but Allah never get tired of choosing me<br />
despite all my alasan errday haha<br />
<br />
So, since a lot of things happened here<br />
it turned me into someone that's very secretive<br />
<br />
I kept everything to myselff<br />
all people can see is the happy me<br />
<br />
I did not express my gratitude towards the people who keep supporting me<br />
even though deep inside I am too blessed to have them in my life<br />
<br />
so yesterday I decided to confess to my usrahmates<br />
haha sebab penat dah simpan sensorang<br />
and I think I will regret one day if I don't<br />
<br />
I told them how much I appreciate their presence<br />
I apologize for my wrong doings<br />
I keep avoiding from being their good friend<br />
I backed off when I started to be close with them<br />
<br />
as expected, you were hurt<br />
but I told them, I feel it too<br />
<br />
So here I am<br />
ready to be better, again<br />
<br />
once gain, let me try<br />
<br />
and they accept me, again<br />
<br />
I love you girls to the moon and back<br />
<br />
hehs<br />
<br />
dearest partener in crime,<br />
thank you<br />
for understanding<br />
and not giving up with me<br />
we can do this, ok?<br />
(walaupun sy selalu macam fikir negative macam get lost ke whatevr, I still hope both of us jadi qawiyy very soon hehe)<br />
<br />
dearest adiks galway,<br />
I am more than happy to be your 'kakak'<br />
sorry for not treating you as adik before<br />
and keep avoiding your call<br />
<br />
dearest ukhti qawiyy,<br />
sorry selalu geram dengan awak<br />
hahah<br />
<br />
<br />
so, 4 months to go<br />
let's revise!<br />
<br />
Malaysia,<br />
wait for me,<br />
<br />
<br />
might not return as dayah Z, but a new me won't get you dissapointed I hope hehe<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-75050992151390504192017-01-04T12:07:00.000-08:002017-01-04T12:07:39.196-08:002nd day of school2nd day of school and I am still going slow<br />
<br />
too lazy<br />
<br />
hehs<br />
<br />
<br />
3 months to go to final exam<br />
hopefully I pass<br />
<br />
then, hello malaysia<br />
<br />
I have been longing for you since forever --'<br />
<br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-2707975307694309252016-12-30T05:42:00.000-08:002016-12-30T05:42:20.830-08:00please dream, don't stopI met many people throughout this winter break<br />
<br />
I get to know my usrahmates<br />
even I think just this past weeks I get to really know the person whom I close with<br />
<br />
and I get to welcome new people into my life too<br />
<br />
Lisbon had been amazing!<br />
the trip would be one unforgettable event of my life<br />
<br />
Allah sent us Aten<br />
She inspires me a lot!<br />
<br />
Thank you<br />
for everything<br />
for keep telling me to dream<br />
<br />
we barely knew each other<br />
but it seems like knowing you for the whole year ady hehe<br />
<br />
tak ramai yang tahu aku macam dah give up untuk have dream<br />
kadang-kadang aku pun lupa yang aku takde dream dah<br />
<br />
Banyak nangis bila aten dah nak balik<br />
sebab takut lupa lagi to dream high<br />
<br />
hehs<br />
<br />
and afikah dah nak bfg jugak<br />
<br />
I could not imagine how usrah will be without her haha<br />
surely I will be the most attentive listener ever<br />
cause nobody will kacau-ing me<br />
and trying to say something just by giving 'that' look<br />
which distracted me as I tried to understand her 'eyes' message<br />
<br />
hehe<br />
<br />
I had this one belief<br />
we should not have best friend<br />
<br />
but Allah borrowed me one of His hamba<br />
to be my best friend kejap<br />
<br />
she will be leaving very soon<br />
and as usual I'm not good with saying words<br />
<br />
but I surely paling terasa kehilangan kejap hehs<br />
<br />
4 bulan je lagi nak bfg Hidayah<br />
please bring the best out of it<br />
<br />
nanti menyesal padan muka haha<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-75618811791518357482016-12-03T01:56:00.002-08:002016-12-03T01:56:10.551-08:003 decIt has been 2 months since I wrote my last post<br />
a lot og things happened in the past 2 months<br />
all of them deserves a place in this blog<br />
it's just me not having enough time (sbb aku banyak mengarut sampai habis masa)<br />
<br />
Cork has lost its 'homie' feeling<br />
I miss the old one<br />
<br />
k mengarut<br />
<br />
I remembered sembang-sembang with Kak S last weekend<br />
she asked my opinion,<br />
"why people leave?"<br />
<br />
and I said<br />
because the enjoyment of doing it 'hilang'<br />
<br />
she nodded<br />
<br />
*senyap*<br />
<br />
actually it was based on my own experience<br />
<br />
I wrote somewhere last year<br />
I almost leave (haha dah bagitahu murabbi pun)<br />
<br />
because I did not find it enjoyful<br />
because I have to sacrifice a lot<br />
especially my own feeling<br />
<br />
but my murabbi reminds me about Nabi Nuh<br />
tak best okay bila you preach but people sampai sembunyi sebab taknak dengar<br />
that what happened to Nabi Nuh<br />
but He never stopped!<br />
<br />
because he did it atas dasar ketaatan<br />
bukan sebab enjoy buat<br />
<br />
muhasabah balik few years in tarbiyah<br />
mungki tak secara indirect buat sebab orang<br />
but I do enjoy ada akhawat yang baik sekeliling<br />
ada kawan, ada teman, at least tak rasa sensorang<br />
(walaupun kadang-kadang gaduh)<br />
<br />
hihi<br />
<br />
<br />
when I have the strength to do what I think I supposed to do<br />
I did it<br />
<br />
mula-mula tak rasa sakit<br />
tapi sakit tu datang bila you want to go back to the routine<br />
<br />
but you just not belong there<br />
<br />
fly<br />
<br />
fly away<br />
<br />
<br />
hahahaha<br />
<br />
I don't know if the future-me would understand this<br />
<br />
but hey future-me!<br />
you have been trough a lot to reach today<br />
<br />
appreciate the chances you get<br />
<br />
appreciate.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
ps: kalau futur memang lah rasa sensorang sebab iman tak bersatu dengan alam :(Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-16410134380118502302016-10-15T13:36:00.001-07:002016-10-15T13:36:09.006-07:00since last week I started to fall sick again<br />
all they symptoms came even though I took my meds everyday<br />
I have no clue what to do in such situation<br />
<br />
all I do<br />
take paracetamol<br />
for fever and joint pain and muscle pain<br />
<br />
hoping it works<br />
most of the time, it doesn't<br />
<br />
in the bus to Galway on last Friday<br />
I came across Mas Afzal's blog again<br />
I knew him through his blog after he passed awayy<br />
he is such an inspiration<br />
<br />
survived med school while fighting against cancer<br />
<br />
last time I read his blog,<br />
I appreciate nothing he write about his condition<br />
<br />
but now I feel everything he wrote in his blog<br />
<br />
I could still remember all the testing done<br />
multiple kind of blood test, twice daily (at least)<br />
x-rays here and there, echocardiogram some more<br />
drinking a jug of contrast water for CT scan<br />
<br />
of course I will never forget<br />
the first time I get into the CT scanner<br />
the big thing looked like it's going to swallow me<br />
also when they bring me on the wheelchair<br />
to the biopsy room for FNA<br />
<br />
sakit tahu tak FNA tu!<br />
<br />
and the 'berdebar' feeling<br />
to actually know what had happened to me<br />
as they said they have to rule out lymphoma too<br />
even though it looks more like auto-immune<br />
<br />
I remembered myself acting so cool condition<br />
as they blurted out their impressions about my<br />
but as I talked to my parents via facetime<br />
I cried and thats all I did<br />
no words could described how I felt<br />
<br />
many people came to me since then<br />
even up until today<br />
just to tell how strong I am<br />
<br />
deep in my heart, I denied<br />
because I am obviously too weak<br />
<br />
people close to me surely knows<br />
how much I cried at night for the pain<br />
how I could not handle chill and rigors that I looked terrible<br />
how fragile I am when the temperature spiked, out of nowhere<br />
<br />
I remembered how umi was so worried looking at me<br />
when I go back to Mys for summer break<br />
<br />
when it flares up<br />
nothing I could do except lying on bed<br />
even I need umi and ayah's help to get out of bed<br />
because myalgia hit me hard that I could not even use my muscle to support myself<br />
<br />
I cried reading all of arwah Mas Afzal's post<br />
then i questioned myself<br />
why did you cry?<br />
<br />
Are you afraid of death?<br />
<br />
Everyone will die eventually<br />
why are you afraid of death?<br />
<br />
kind of worried about myself<br />
is it because I afraid of death?<br />
<br />
<br />
2 months to go until next appointmennt<br />
I hope they won't forced me to driink that contrast drink again<br />
I hope not to have FNA ever again<br />
I hope they won't tied me on the ward bed ever again<br />
<br />
everything starts with hope<br />
<br />
I hope to not afraid of death<br />
but anticipating for it instead<br />
so I can meet Allah<br />
<br />
:)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-6564501014856054592016-10-09T09:09:00.001-07:002016-10-09T09:09:23.987-07:00mesyy lifeI haven't get the chance to write about Jaulah Balkan yet<br />
<br />
having time constraint to juggle everything<br />
and sometimes (most of the time!) laziness hit me hard<br />
somehow I need to work smart now<br />
<br />
I just talked with umi this afternoon<br />
she was calculating how much left before I come home<br />
<br />
and I am quiete shocked<br />
because actually I will be having exam in about 6 months<br />
if I pass then i will become a doctor<br />
<br />
hell yeah<br />
not a safe on eright now though<br />
<br />
I hope to be more competent in no time<br />
but thats not how life works<br />
in this world, we have to make effort to achieve our goal<br />
<br />
so there is no such thing as 'in no time'<br />
hahah<br />
<br />
I had my surgery last 2 weeks<br />
I was confident enough actually<br />
but when the examiner came<br />
I get panick attack<br />
and everything goes down the hill!<br />
<br />
but after all,<br />
I passes the long case<br />
<br />
just that<br />
I didn't achieve y target<br />
I hope for a first class<br />
but just got pass instead<br />
<br />
maybe because I depend on my effort<br />
not on Allah<br />
<br />
who knows<br />
<br />
must work hard on my relationship with Allah too<br />
<br />
till then,<br />
chaiyo myself!<br />
<br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-63581826735198190662016-09-01T07:52:00.001-07:002016-09-01T07:52:23.156-07:00final year<br />
It has been 4 days since school started<br />
<br />
hey, I'm in final year now!<br />
<br />
another year, then I will be a doctor<br />
<br />
<br />
i came back very early this year<br />
in the past I usually arrive in Cork on the first day of class<br />
but I was thinking of enjoying each moment of final year the best that I could<br />
<br />
I went to Balkan countries<br />
they are lovely<br />
<br />
too many things learnt<br />
<br />
I really hope I could write a travelog or journal about that jaulah<br />
<br />
hoping for more keberkatan masa<br />
<br />
<br />
insyaAllah<br />
<br />
may I graduate on time, too :)<br />
<br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-55306433198220801502016-06-22T13:36:00.001-07:002016-06-22T13:36:35.184-07:0017 RamadhanI feel better today<br />
at least for half day<br />
before the high temperature struck me again<br />
<br />
kehkeh<br />
<br />
I went home early today<br />
I was shivering<br />
so I put 2 duvets over my body<br />
I hope to have heater at that moment<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
so as I get up from the bed<br />
the whole room is spinning around me<br />
I thought it's just because I sleep a lot<br />
then I take wudhu' and pray<br />
<br />
but my head started to feel heavier<br />
now not the room is spinning<br />
but i feel like I was spinning so hard<br />
<br />
so I lay my body on the bed<br />
I could hear my heart beating<br />
the breathes sound so fast<br />
and the chest started to tighten<br />
<br />
then I remembered the novel I read last few weeks<br />
actually it is true story<br />
<br />
"When Breath Become Air" by Paul Kalanithi<br />
<br />
it was a good read<br />
it reminds me a lot about death<br />
<br />
as a medical student/profesionals<br />
I do take oxygen for granted<br />
<br />
hehe I mean, everytime the doctor asked us about emergency intervention<br />
the first thing we would answer is giving oxygen thearpy<br />
<br />
as if it's nothing<br />
and it's so cheap<br />
<br />
but for those in need<br />
one litre of oxygen means everything<br />
it gives life, hope and more time<br />
<br />
today when I was gasping for breath<br />
that's how I value oxygen<br />
<br />
after all the dramas<br />
and inner conflict to buka puasa or not<br />
I decided to buka puasa earlier, 3 hours earlier<br />
at least before I collapse and menyusahkan orang<br />
<br />
<br />
now I am gaining energy I guess<br />
still not able to walk around<br />
but I have to write this<br />
so that I always remember how precious every little thing around me<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-2589407295029163742016-06-21T12:50:00.000-07:002016-06-21T12:50:40.654-07:0016 RamadhanSo it has been 16 days of fasting here<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I haven't been writing because of health problem</div>
<div>
basically health issue is the main problem I have to face during this ramadhan</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
too tired to write</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
may I gain the best of this ramadhan</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
:)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-18070330582925248172016-06-14T13:08:00.002-07:002016-06-14T13:08:53.012-07:005-8 RamadhanMenyepi seketika<br />
<br />
bila Allaah uji dengan ujian kesihatan..<br />
<br />
lagi..<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
lembik beberapa hari<br />
telan makanan semua pahit<br />
memang telan buat syarat sebab bukak puasa dan sahur je<br />
<br />
dahlah weekend<br />
bukan main plan nak pergi mizen head<br />
<br />
sekali Allah tiup ujian sikit<br />
dah terjelepuk atas katil sepanjang hari<br />
<br />
tapi lembik pun Allah bagi jugak kesempatan bukak puasa kat masjid<br />
<br />
menarik sangat bukak puasa dengan segala macam manusia ni<br />
<br />
tapi paling menarik seorang makcik ni<br />
taktahu lah bangsa apa<br />
kalau dengar dia cakap dengan anak dia pun takleh detect bahasa apa<br />
<br />
haritu dia datang lambat sikit dari semua orang<br />
tapi sampai je terus salam dengan semua orang dan berlumba nak bagi salam dulu kepada semua orang<br />
<br />
masyaAllah hebat sangat jiwa dia<br />
betapa sifat Rasulullah tu hidup dalam diri dia<br />
<br />
<br />
dan aku hanya mampu memerhati<br />
konon introvert<br />
<br />
tapi<br />
kalau lah faham islam memerlukan kita untuk hidup bersama semua yang lain<br />
<br />
mengapa masih bersandar di tepi<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-86830107071704193452016-06-09T17:27:00.001-07:002016-06-09T17:27:24.098-07:004 Ramadhanharini dah start coping well with fasting<br />
<br />
so today I join the ward round with Prof MC<br />
we went to meet few myeloma patients<br />
they basically have few months to live<br />
<br />
so she discuss with us about 'balance'<br />
<br />
as an example<br />
for extremely anaemic patients<br />
we need to prescribe blood transfusion, regularly<br />
it can cause iron overload<br />
<br />
theoretically we can give Iron chelating therapy<br />
<br />
but for patients with less hope to continue the battle<br />
we tend to not give any therapy<br />
because each therapy comes with side effects<br />
<br />
she said,<br />
<br />
"this is terminal illness.. well actually this life is something terminal too"<br />
<br />
life is something terminal too<br />
<br />
like the terminal illnesses<br />
just few more moments to end<br />
<br />
and we always hope for our life to end peacefully<br />
<br />
<br />
I realized how everyon wants to end this life peacefully<br />
that's the main reason of the presence of palliative care medicine<br />
<br />
tapi eventually sape yg dapat keredhaan Allah je yg akan RIP.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-52472644718197513092016-06-08T05:00:00.002-07:002016-06-08T05:00:39.873-07:003 Ramadhanit has been 3 days of 19 hours fasting<br />
<br />
last night we had big group of people breaking fast together<br />
Actually I don't expect it to happen<br />
So I did not really prepare for it<br />
<br />
as I am an introvert, having a crowd of people without myself prepare for it is something SCARRYY<br />
<br />
So when the are too many people<br />
that there is no space to put even half of my body<br />
I decided to go upstairs to pray<br />
<br />
I thought I was okay<br />
but my friend noticed my hand shaking (tremor)<br />
they thought I was having hypoglycaemia<br />
so they gave me big glass of sirap bandung<br />
<br />
but I don't think I was hypoglycaemic or anaemic<br />
but the tremor caused by anxiety of the crowd<br />
then I decided not to go for tarawih in masjid<br />
<br />
I will do it myself at home<br />
<br />
that day was too hectic<br />
I think I need some time to be alone,<br />
me and Allah<br />
<br />
................................................................<br />
<br />
So after tarawih and finishing my tilawah<br />
I sat alone to reflect on my attitude<br />
<br />
I remembered the lesson learnt in previous usrah<br />
<br />
daie lives at the centre of ummah<br />
which means there is no way to be a da'ie without living with the crowd<br />
there should be no anxiety seeing people<br />
because da'ie lives with people anyway<br />
<br />
so once we become a da'ie, 24 hours of our time are not ours<br />
ummah owns them all<br />
including our energy, money, and ourselves (soul)<br />
<br />
I think I still have 2 separate life<br />
DnT life and the other 'abnormal' life<br />
<br />
T.T<br />
<br />
Now I have to comfort myself with wise words...<br />
<br />
dear self,<br />
I know I am far from being a mukminin<br />
nor being a true muslim<br />
<br />
but I am on my way towards it<br />
<br />
one day, I hope to have only one life<br />
DnT life<br />
<br />
and other things will be with in it as well<br />
<br />
<br />
#diariramadhancorcaigh<br />
<br />
I want to write a diary for the whole month of ramadhan. Previous days I wrote in facebook but I think it is too public that people can make lawak out of it anytime they want<br />
<br />
this diary is for myself. I may not become 'me' anymore after this. However I hope everytime reading this diary it will remind me how I want to be the best at Allah's sightDr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2418177097620109835.post-57689190136214440612016-05-24T12:44:00.001-07:002016-05-24T12:44:19.867-07:00<br />
I have mixed feeling for now<br />
my friend said if I am to make weather forecast based on my feeling<br />
everyday it will be like the Irish weather<br />
<br />
LOLs<br />
<br />
Thank you buddy!<br />
<br />
<br />
I have just finished my final exam, if I pass this exam so I will finally be a final year medical student<br />
sound wonderful, don't you think so?<br />
Unfortunately it can't be confirmed by today<br />
<br />
I am thinking of starting a new life<br />
but am kind of in doubt<br />
because i afraid of leaving the people that I a comfortable with<br />
and I don't want to hurt them<br />
<br />
so maybe I will wait a lil bit<br />
at least to have stronger will<br />
<br />
i will be spending my summer in Cork for a month<br />
will be celebrating ramadhan here as well<br />
I couldn't be more than happy welcoming ramadhan soon!<br />
Hope to survive 19 hours of fasting well<br />
without any scar and pain hehe<br />
<br />
so i just feel like writing<br />
but i dont really know what to write<br />
<br />
<br />
counting down to home<br />
<br />
hopefully a month will fly by as quickly as possible<br />
<br />Dr. Yumihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13207994176061920674noreply@blogger.com0