nothingness bring nothing

Currently I am in Tutorial Block

Basically I have got only tutorials. And Monday is off-day for us.

So today I decided to come to the city, have a cup of coffee while finishing my FYP write-up.

Actually it's just because everything going slow for me. I mean, I did nothing over the weekend. Quiet unhappy with myself right now. So I took the bus to town and now at least, I managed to add hundreds of words in my write up. :p

It feels good to sit in the cafe and overlook the city, the people.

I shall do this more often (tapi most of the time too lazy to go out)


I am going to leave in 4 months time, insyaAllah
I really hope that I could graduate on time

I think it's the time for me to go home
even though I am too afraid to go home
frightened by the busy waqi' and very qawiyy akhawat hehe

therefore, I really need to catch up on many things

need to study hard
need to graduate on time
need to leave some marks before bfg
need to answer why I am committing myself to DnT
need to revise all bahan usrah and daurah

so basically I have loads on my plate

but instead, I become one lazy human
and do nothing
but keep checking on cheap ticket for summer break!

Seriously I need to wake myself up so I realized I have no time!

So this morning I have a cup of coffee,
which is very unusual for me (I only drink tea!)

Then I get palpitations
and my brain work very fast

haha

Up to this second, I managed to do write up some more

and wasting time writing here some more

haihh

Just had a sip pf coffee
have 1/10 in the mug to be finished

will surely miss the smell of coffee soon
coffee so mahal in Malaysia why lah

nikmat rasa

I always wrote about the downside of my life in here
it's not because there's nothing happy to be shared
but most of the my happy times, I got to spent times with people
that I always forgot to share

as I count
there's not much time left for me
to live here, in Ireland, in Cork to be specific

I rant a lot about living here

but as I get myself to reflect on it

many things happened here

get to know many great awesome people here
was first diagnosed sick here
loving medicine here
feeling lonely, here as well

haha like a roller coster yes?

I gave up with DnT once
but Allah never get tired of choosing me
despite all my alasan errday haha

So, since a lot of things happened here
it turned me into someone that's very secretive

I kept everything to myselff
all people can see is the happy me

I did not express my gratitude towards the people who keep supporting me
even though deep inside I am too blessed to have them in my life

so yesterday I decided to confess to my usrahmates
haha sebab penat dah simpan sensorang
and I think I will regret one day if I don't

I told them how much I appreciate their presence
I apologize for my wrong doings
I keep avoiding from being their good friend
I backed off when I started to be close with them

as expected, you were hurt
but I told them, I feel it too

So here I am
ready to be better, again

once gain, let me try

and they accept me, again

I love you girls to the moon and back

hehs

dearest partener in crime,
thank you
for understanding
and not giving up with me
we can do this, ok?
(walaupun sy selalu macam fikir negative macam get lost ke whatevr, I still hope both of us jadi qawiyy very soon hehe)

dearest adiks galway,
I am more than happy to be your 'kakak'
sorry for not treating you as adik before
and keep avoiding your call

dearest ukhti qawiyy,
sorry selalu geram dengan awak
hahah


so, 4 months to go
let's revise!

Malaysia,
wait for me,


might not return as dayah Z, but a new me won't get you dissapointed I hope hehe

2nd day of school

2nd day of school and I am still going slow

too lazy

hehs


3 months to go to final exam
hopefully I pass

then, hello malaysia

I have been longing for you since forever --'