Thursday, November 27, 2014
Aku bukanlah high-passionate medical students. Mungkin orang lain akan update segala kegembiraan eksplorasi dunia perubatan, tapi bukan aku. Aku hanya 'biasa-biasa' sahaja, bak kata orang kampung, just follow the flow.
Tapi last rotation of this term, banyak mengubah aku. Terpaksa tagging dengan oncology consultant, yang sejak tahun lepas aku dengar tentang kesinisan, ke-sarcasme dan agak menakutkan, adalah satu benda yang sangat merunsingkan aku! I can't even sleep on the night before meeting him on my first day! LOL
Minggu pertama, mungkin orang ingat aku ada tremor. Tangan terketar sentiasa, terutamanya bila consultnt sebut nama aku. Orang kata, "you're dead when he knows your name", and amazingly he knows mine! Ceh mana boleh lupa minggu pertama, balik hospital terus cerita kat housemate. Aku boleh rasa yang housemate pun dah muak dengar cerita ketakutan aku dengan consultant tersebut LOL. I could say my heart stop beating when he welcomed me to the medical oncology! 😜
Second week is the worst! I cried almost for an hour on my first day (after hospital). Lepas tu terus kunci pintu bilik dan tidur sampai tengah malam, I just don't feel like talking to anyone. It was a state of depression! We never know if there's blessing in disguise aite? At my lowest point I beg for Allah's help, because I don't think I can continue the rotation. Suprisingly Allah mudahkan everything throughout the week! In medicine, memang rasa sangat I can't even pass one day of rotation without Allah's help. Haruslah budak medic kena jadi hamba yang paling hamba! And I learned a lot!
And in my last week, everything went well.. The consultant said that I started to think as oncologist dah.. LOL. Allah end my rotation journey with another oncology consultant, Dr. Murphy. Haruslah berdebar tak ingat dunia sebab memang tagging sorang-sorang je dengan dia! Tapi his words really motivate me to di better. I love Allah's planning. He's superb sebab muda lagi dah jadi consultant.
"What did u learn most in your rotation?", asked him.
"I think I learn to communicate well with patient and kill all the uneasy feeling whenever talking to patient".
Lepas tu senyap jap, dan terus curahat dengan consultang LOL
"I'm not a good medical student, I was unable to do good history taking, I'm still afraid to ask patient's permission to clerk them, I'm still too soft doing the physical examination, I don't organize well my skills in communicating with patients... Somehow I'm glad that Dr. Bird told me my weaknesses and how I can improve on that. He even diagnosed me with lack of cruelty because I can't examine axillary node well"
gelak hambar, and I don't expect any reply.
He then replied me,
"No worry I was in your position long time ago. I was a quiete student as well. It's good that u still come for ward round even you know nothing and being so quiete and thats how you'll learn. Just keep going you know!"
adalah rasa nak nangis sebab terharu.
Rasa macam Allah nak bagitahu to not give up, keep going!
I'm so malas to write but I have to write this so whenever rasa down terus ingat balik kisah ni.
I can't deny that I love working under Dr. Bird and Dr. Murphy despite all the everyday drama that I made LOL and the tears as well.