membebel

when I was a healthy kid
I belief our mind controls our body

so whenever I get sick like having fever
I will force myself to get up
and act healthy, smile and laugh

and it works, wonderfully


2 years ago
when I started to sick very often
I used the same tricks
but it doesn't work

never ever

that pushed me to seek help


and eventually diagnosed
and currently on medication

 (that make me fat LOLs, hopefully dont turn me into psychotic lady)

for now
I really enjoy the moment of healthy living
I will go running or walking, at least


because I could not expect the future
the 'flare up' moment could struck me anytime

like right now

get rashes, itchy skin, athralgia, myalgia

I hope to have patience facing messy day with itch and pain

to be honest, I gave up many times
too many I tell you, dear future-me

actually just this afternoon I call it a day
I closed the thick book, switch on laptop, watch nonsense videos (while scratching the itchy skin)

somehow Allah never let it happens for long
because I suddenly remember the day I talked to my parents

"Do you want to stop and balik Malaysia for good?"

"No. I can finish this"

and when I was sick in Malaysia,
I even need umi's help to get up from bed
sometimes I shivered where she need to put on me 3 duvets
and she always ask me,

"Betul ke boleh balik Ireland ni?"


and my forever answer is

"InsyaAllah boleh. I can do it"


kahkah
as entittled this is just a bebelan for myself

Dear future-me,
nobody knows what will happen in the future
you might getting worse
or might get healthy again

(like who knows kan)

you know what
I have big hope for myself
to stop whinning (esp when you are sick)
and be patient, like serious patience

and dear self,
this is another important advice
life is short

please don't give up
of being good servant of Allah
yes it would never be easy
but it surely worth all sweat and tears

for jannah kan, to meet Him one fine day insyaAllah


okay okay..

 I could feel the fingers started to get stiff now

be good
you're picked to end your journey