future-me,

I am going to have final exam in few days
but I really doubt I will pass them all thought

then I prayed to Allah
I want Allah to help me pass this test

I prepare myself to meet Him
Take wudhu', use new telekung
then I raise my hand high
I want to ask from Him..

but then I could not say anything..

because I did nothing to ask Him anything

I forced myself to ask from Him anyway
because I really could not do anything withut Him
even breathing is impossible

After that I took sometime

to think, perhaps

I know I did nothing this year
I mean, sincerely I did not contribute anything for the deen

I just contemplated a lot
that I refused to take any step

I do take few steps but I gave up
because I don'y want to lend my time, energy, money

even though deep inside I always know they are not mine, never

this is a terrible feeling
because even you could not be the witness for yourself
and when death comes, surely nobody will


T.T


i remembered the moment
when I asked from Allah

" Allah..  I had gave my time and energy for dakwah and tarbiyah.. may You send me your help from every corner of dunya"

It's not that I proud of myself

but right now I feel so shameful with Allah

because I wasted 1 year doing nothing