17 Ramadhan

I feel better today
at least for half day
before the high temperature struck me again

kehkeh

I went home early today
I was shivering
so I put 2 duvets over my body
I hope to have heater at that moment



so as I get up from the bed
the whole room is spinning around me
I thought it's just because I sleep a lot
then I take wudhu' and pray

but my head started to feel heavier
now not the room is spinning
but i feel like I was spinning so hard

so I lay my body on the bed
I could hear my heart beating
the breathes sound so fast
and the chest started to tighten

then I remembered the novel I read last few weeks
actually it is true story

"When Breath Become Air" by Paul Kalanithi

it was a good read
it reminds me a lot about death

as a medical student/profesionals
I do take oxygen for granted

hehe I mean, everytime the doctor asked us about emergency intervention
the first thing we would answer is giving oxygen thearpy

as if it's nothing
and it's so cheap

but for those in need
one litre of oxygen means everything
it gives life, hope and more time

today when I was gasping for breath
that's how I value oxygen

after all the dramas
and inner conflict to buka puasa or not
I decided to buka puasa earlier, 3 hours earlier
at least before I collapse and menyusahkan orang


now I am gaining energy I guess
still not able to walk around
but I have to write this
so that I always remember how precious every little thing around me